Imagine a mother is holding a young child. At first the child starts to get a little restless, so she holds on to it tighter. The child responds by squirming and complaining a little, so she holds it even tighter. The child starts to panic and uses all its strength to try and break free, whilst the mother holds in with all her might, desperate to keep the child close to her. Eventually one of them changes tactic and something remarkable happens… Do you want to know the secret to keeping your girl happy? Do you want to know how to feel relaxed in a relationship – no matter what your girl does? Do you want to know the secret to getting more sex – without having to ask for it?! This article will uncover the secret behind getting what you want from your girl – and why she hasn’t given it to you in the past. Oh and you may find that this knowledge can lead to more sex – without having to ask for it.
Why she hasn’t given it to you in the past
Remember back to your high school science days – some of you may remember Einstein’s third law
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
In simple terms – the more pressure you put on something, the more it will push back. This is a common thing that men will do with their girls. Whether it be trying to stop them from having a lady’s night out, trying to get them to be a size 8 or trying to get more sex – most men use this tactic to try and get what they want. The problem is, the more you try and force it – the more she’ll probably push back and become resistant. So, what can you do about it? Well, before I reveal the solution – you need to be ready for an honest and probably confronting conversation. Yes, this conversation may be tough and confronting – but if you’re ready to get what you want by doing something different, then read on… The truth of the matter – the driving force behind this kind of behaviour is usually fear. Yep, that’s right, on the surface it might look like behaviour that all other men do, or something you learned from your dad – but there’s usually fear behind it all. There is a way to find out what that fear is – and eliminate it from your life. How? If you’re still reading this, then you’re far ahead of most people and more than likely open to learning what the solution is.
Step 1: Tell the missus
Men – ONLY continue through this process if you’re willing to do this step. It could be something as simple as saying to your partner “I’ve noticed recently that I expect you to be home by a certain time when you want to go out with your friends. I’d like to stop doing this.” You might be surprised about how relieving this is to bring up this conversation – it’s like that first sip of an ice cold beer after a hard day’s work!
Step 2: Get digging
You’ve told her there’s a problem that you’d like to fix, now there’s a chance to get to the bottom of what’s going on – i.e. finding out what the real driver behind the behaviour is. You’ll need to work with your partner to find out exactly what the fear is. There’s generally a few layers to cut through so here’s how you do it:
- Say to your partner: “I feel controlling when you ____________”
- Your partner responds with “why is ____________ a problem for you?”
- You respond with the first answer that pops into your head – BEFORE your head gets a chance to analyse it and come up with something different. WARNING: if this is the first couple of times you’ve done this, you may notice yourself resisting to say the response, e.g. you may get defensive, shut down or feel angry. This is completely normal – just notice that it’s happening and continue with the process.
- Continue steps 2-3 about 3-4 times. This is usually enough layers to get clearer about a truth.
So as an example,
- You: “I feel the need to send you text messages when you’re on a girls night out to check in on you.”
- Partner: “Why is going on a girls night out a problem for you?”
- You: “Because I’m worried that you’ll be talking to other men.”
- Partner: “Why is talking to other men a problem for you?”
- You: “Because I’m worried that you’ll find them more attractive than me and you’ll leave me.”
- Partner: “Why is leaving me problem for you?”
- You: “Because I’m bloody scared that I’ll be alone!!!”
Step 3: Let it go!
Think of a time when you’ve gone to watch your favourite sports team. You’re pumped, excited about the game and totally wanting your team to crush the opposition. By the end of the game there’s normally two outcomes – either you win and you tell everyone what an amazing game it was – or you lose, get fired up and tell everyone how crappy the game was for the next 2 weeks. Something changes when your watching a game and you’re not barracking for any particular team. At the end of the game, you can probably walk away without all the anger or disappointment if one of the teams lose. It’s that walking away experience that’s key to the solution – i.e. you’re not emotionally attached to any outcome – you can imagine it’s pretty freeing. So when you’re recognising that you’re applying pressure on your girl to do something or be a certain way, find out what the fear is that’s driving the behaviour and then simple let go of the need to have it. If it’s more sex that you want – simply switch of the need for sex – you’ll be amazed – you’ll eventually end get getting what you really wanted. NOTE: for some of you this step is easier said than done. This is why people go to a specialist such as a coach or counselor – they specialise in helping people either eliminating their fear (sometimes in a short 15 minute process) or help people let go of the outcome and create freedom.
The short version
If you’re not getting what you want in your relationship, look at whether you’re applying too much pressure. If you are, find out why and turn off your attachment to getting what you want. Oh, and back to the mother holding the child. She recognised that she had a fear that she would lose her child if she let it go. She also recognised that she needed to be flexible and try something different than holding the child super tight. She let go of the child and it ran off for a little while. The amazing thing is that it eventually returned to her and spent enough time with her to feel relaxed and loved – without her having to ask!